A lot of inspiration comes from doing

The blinking cursor is like a child jumping at me to get my attention – anxious, persistent….annoying. So to pacify it, I start writing. And so that is how the story goes. From that leap to just start writing I rediscovered how much I enjoy writing. No...how much I LOVE writing.

I had pushed that passion aside for awhile, but one particularly frustrating day when I was also feeling very defeated (I'll never start my business! I'm not original!) and sorry for myself (I'm doomed to toil away for years in this cubicle!!), I realized I needed an outlet for how I was feeling. So I just began writing. Writing about anything and everything I wanted to explore, externalize, criticize, analyze or just enjoy reflecting upon. This was the best thing I could have done and it led me to take note of some things that often hold us back (I'm assuming I’m not alone in this boat):

• Anne Lamothe is right – writing means getting it all out on paper, starting with a 1-inch frame of vision and not giving a crap because first drafts should be shitty. It’s like the go-button for verbal diarrhea. But amidst the outpouring of ideas and words, may be a few gems that would never have seen the light of day had you not plummeted through paragraphs of garbage first. I am actually quite amazed that this really works. Our brain works in crazy ways our conscious mind can't even get, and we have so much stored in there, but often no desire to go sifting through the clutter. Seeing what develops or is uncovered in your own mind is like watching your own hand moving on a Ouija board. It's all in there and seems to take on a life of it's own when the dark corners are lit up and swept out.

• This leads to my second insight – just go with it. I’ve made a point to consciously recognize potential material from the most trivial, mundane things to the completely obvious. I let my mind wander now, with an awareness of an observer, wondering where it will take me. It’s pretty fun and has validated daydreaming. Letting your mind wander is way more productive than we are raised to believe it is. I think the notion to curb daydreaming was probably set out by the "doers" in society. They were probably just jealous of a daydreamer's creativity.

• We are our own worst enemy. Sure, we’ve all heard it before, but this enemy takes so many forms and appears at so many times in our lives, that I firmly believe we often don't recognize this enemy staring us in the face. We mistake it for our practical mind, or tell ourselves we are being realistic when in reality we are stopping ourselves in our tracks. This goes hand-in-hand with Anne Lamothe’s chapter in Bird by Bird, called ‘Shitty First Drafts’. It really puts into perspective how contrary our own mind can be. We cannot create and criticize at the same time. Our brains won't allow it. That’s why the first draft (or the brainstorming or the daydreaming, or the wish-listing) should be allowed to incubate and grow away from our critical mind that can't help but pick it apart. This not only to writing but also to our aspirations in life. For example, I realized that I’m the one telling myself that my writing isn’t good enough, or I’m not established enough or different/unique enough or that someone already is doing this or that, so why bother at all??!! You get the picture. I’m stunting any possibility for growth with that kind of thinking. I’m not letting my aspirations incubate and grow to see where they lead.

• Lastly, although my husband said this a while ago (and yes, it is yet another example of him saying something, me not ‘getting’ it the first time around, and then months later, having a ‘Ah-Ha!’ moment as the pieces fall into place). He told me when I was plotting my way to entrepreneur extraordinaire as writer (I'm writing a book) and decorator of kid's rooms and painter of artwork for children (I want to start a business), to put all the planning and number crunching and dream-busting self-criticism aside and “focus on creating" first. I scoffed at this horse-before-cart-mentality. Why on earth would I want to have paintings just sitting around with no business set up through which to sell them? But he couldn’t have been more right. There is a certain power and inspiration that comes from doing, especially when you are doing it because you love it. Though I haven’t landed any blog-writing jobs or a freelance assignments, nor have I been hired to consult on an interior design for kids segment in my favourite magazine (Style at Home btw, if any of their editors are reading this), I am writing with a renewed passion and less self-criticism.

I hope that I am honest and don't limit myself, that others will also see how genuine and passionate I am in my work. Who knows? Maybe it will pave the way for some welcome changes to my incoming-earning years ahead of me.

Yesterday I had a terrifying experience

Anyone who knows me would wonder: What could have possibly happened for Nancy to have such a bad time in a place where she feels so at home? It wasn’t so much what I saw. It was how it made me feel.

In a place where I have been known to literally spend hours (sometimes without buying a thing!), I felt like I had landed on another planet and emerged in some strange and foreign place. For the first time since taking an interest in my appearance when I was 10 years old, I was confused and unfamiliar with the landscape before me.

As I navigated the racks of clothing, I struggled to push out the taunting voice of insecurity telling me that this was it: I’m too old to “get” these style and I have no business shopping in this store because I don’t look like I used to! Gasp. It’s not like I had walked into Hollister or American Eagle. I was in age-appropriate stores yet, I felt like I was stumbling through a house of mirrors.

Out of this harrowing experience came the realization that, yes, I would have to relearn how to dress myself. It’s frightening but somewhere along the way I had fallen off the fashionista bus. What once came with such ease was now a struggle! I was dismayed and defeated. That night I did what brings me a Zen vibe on a bad day: I visited my favourite online stores for some eye candy and studied the outfits they put together.

Not only did this help me relax, but it was also a great refresher. Looking at complete outfits, I was able to examine at how the overall look was pulled together by identifying the formulas for pairing certain styles and shapes together. For example, slim fitting bottoms need to be paired with a loose, flowy top.

Then I had an idea. Why not create a shopping cheat-sheet? It’s easy to get discouraged or distracted (or both) while in stores, so making notes (like categorizing styles and noting what they pair well with, as well as what would suit my size and shape) would help me stay on track and avoid having a perfectly wondering shopping trip ruined by frustration or self-doubt. And I am not ashamed to say that I plan to take this cheat-sheet with me when I venture out next. If I need it, I have it.

It was hard to admit that dressing myself doesn’t come as easy as it once did. The reality is I don’t want to spend hours coordinating outfits. I do however, want to feel pulled together (hey, at least I can give the appearance of having myself together!). So my next few posts will chronicle this adventure. I’ll show how I do my research, I’ll share tips for categorizing clothing, picking the best pieces for your body and budget, and help you prepare your own little cheat-sheet, and I’ll give updates on my progress as I learn to dress myself again. Yay!