What happened to everything in moderation?

I found this article last week. This woman, Kjerstin Gruys, is making headlines doing the unthinkable: giving up looking in mirrors for a whole year. And my first thought was, "What is she trying to prove?".


I am tired of people taking things so far. The one thing Ms. Gruys has working for her is that she is a PhD student, thereby buying her 'research' a shred of credibility under the guise of academia, however, it does not erase, or in my mind, forgive how completely ridiculous and pointless this exercise is.

She is going to an extreme to prove what? That the image we see of ourselves affects us? No kidding! Imagine that! However, I would argue that self-image has more to do with internal perception and less to do with the superficial reflection in the mirror.

If I were to entertain Ms. Gruys' hypothesis even for a moment, I can still blow holes through her methodology: she is still wearing make-up which she refers to on her blog as a 'security blanket' and says she is proud of how proficient she has become at applying it without a mirror. Uh, what? Isn't wearing make-up just as indulgent and narcissistic as looking in a mirror? In fact, I might say it's even moreso; at least the act of looking in a mirror once in a while can be considered selfless when it prevents others from having to endure unfortunate and awkward conversations with me while remnants of the spinach salad from lunch wave from my teeth, or a bat-in-the-cave booger dangles like a daredevil at the edge of my nostril.

I think people sometimes miss the point in their fervor to forge ahead and create a new path, going too far by focusing on one thing, when it should be on something else. Sure, our society as a whole does place a lot of importance on outward appearances, but blaming a mirror is like shooting the messenger.

Why I've had it with (some) mommy bloggers

I know a lot of women who are moms. Some are followers of mommy bloggers, some don’t follow any blogs and some of the moms I know should be bloggers themselves. I am about to be very critical of mommy bloggers who fall into a very specific category – the ones that irritate me. They are those who Tweet or blog about their life as if it’s something new to everyone else. Yes, you are right. You have kids so you must be different from the rest of us with spawn. Here’s why I dislike what you have to say:



1. Inappropriateness of content – Check yourself before you wreck yourself
I seriously read a Tweet by someone who thought it necessary to share the moment that her son was taking an extra stinky poop in a public washroom stall. Really? What the hell on earth made you think that was worth sharing? Like no one has done this before, or been forced as a parent to deal with inopportune bathroom moments? Is it such an earth shattering part of your day that you need your followers to be informed? I think not. I’m still disgusted and dismayed by that one. What were you thinking??



2. There is more to life even if you are the old woman who lived in a shoe. If you have too many kids, it’s no one else’s burden, so lighten up or shut up. If you incessantly Tweet about being tired and complaining and have a houseful of kids by choice, I don't have much pity and tolerance for your plight. No kidding you’ll be tired and I get the whole misery loves company thing so if that is your game, so be it. Just don’t pretend to be happy and then Tweet nothing but complaints. Occasional self-mockery and frustrated Tweets about the ridiculousness of your offspring is ok because we can all relate, but please don't let that be the bulk of what you have to say!



3. You are making the rest of us look bad. And I don’t mean because of your supermom prowess with only educational outings and an overly nurturing approach to child-rearing (bordering on bubble wrapping the house). No, not because of how great of a mom you are but because of how it seems you've forgotten you are a woman too. Because you make it look like women become hideous frumps after popping out some kids and it’s ok. It’s not. And don’t justify it by saying it’s because your kids’ well-being is first and foremost. Saying that they are first implies that other things come second, third and so on. Your kids’ are likely all that you care about or have grown to be consumed by. And what about your marriage? As soon as caring about your appearance goes, it’s my belief (based on experience and observation) that the effort you put into your marriage is not far behind. That Tide commercial with the woman who says she always wears yoga pants because she is too lazy for real pants, while funny, is unfortunately not confined to TV land. Yes, Lululemon can be insanely flattering, but honey, not when they are faded and worn through (sure, it’s all that yoga and Pilates you’ve been doing) and adorned with dried food smears. Get with it and give a crap about how you look, if only half as much as you care about your next playgroup date and you might be surprised by the results. And if you argue that you don’t care for looking good or don't have the time. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you’ve given up caring and there is a big difference. The Globe and Mail published an article by a mom blogger in Edmonton who traded her career wardrobe for casual stuff when she decided to stay at home with her kids. Fair enough. Even though the focus of her article was about consignment store shopping for kids clothes, the fact that she clearly lives in frumpy clothes and is ok with that was extremely apparent and appalling. Ok sure, no one is expecting you to rock Donna Karan suits at home or the grocery store, but staying at home is not a license to ‘forget’ to look at yourself before you leave the house (yes, I’m referring to her mentioning dried food in her hair when she went out - gross). That’s just basic grooming and having kids is no excuse not to practise it. What lessons do you think you are teaching your offspring if you don’t take the 10 seconds to review your food-to-teeth-ratio before stepping out? And you expect them to brush their teeth religiously? Really?

4. Being frantic and busy doesn’t make you a better parent. Likewise, showing the world just how frantic and busy you are (in a very obvious and attention-seeking way)doesn't make anyone else believe it either. There is a difference between looking busy and being effective. Everyone has shit to do. Stop acting like its 'so insane' all the time. Sure, having kids means you have to be effective with your time. You make concessions for them and accommodate their needs but what about your own needs? Putting other stuff like your appearance and your relationship with your husband/partner on the back burner is only going to get you burned. Running around frantic doesn't mean you are getting anything done. If you really want to get things done, get over yourself and deal with real life, really. Be genuine and put in an all-round effort where you are needed, not just where you think it will make you look good.

5. And lastly, stop complaining about how loud the school bus is during that mid-week field trip to the zoo that you are accompanying. Be happy you aren’t listening to coworkers complaining, printers and copy machines buzzing, or sitting in rush-hour traffic after watching another 8 hours of your life disappear. If you are in the fortunate position to be able to get a headache from excited kids during the middle of the day, during the week, and are too stupid to realize that many parents NEVER get that opportunity, I don’t want to hear your whining and lack of perspective.


Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. Don't get me wrong - there are days as parents that you do go through those scenarios. My complaint is when people lose their perspective completely and become too self-centered to realize the rest of the world is still going on around them. Kids are fabulous and wonderful and made of sugar and puppies and all that, but they are not and should not be your only focus as a parent. You want them to grow up to be well-rounded adults, don't you? So why not lead by example? Your family (and society) will be glad you did.