Sunday night musings

So another weekend has come and gone and here I am on Sunday night, trying to make the most of the final few of the forty-eight hours we are given to recuperate for another week. But instead of indulging my ego and drinking a bottle of red wine to avoid thinking of Monday morning, I'm drinking wine and using this time to be productive and nurture my goals and think about what I'm going to do this week to work towards my dreams (that is to be a published writer and contributor to whoever will have me!).

Seriously though, I'm tired of feeling defeated on Sunday night because somehow, over the weekend, my goals and dreams didn't materialize in time for the alarm on Monday morning. Maybe this change in attitude is partially due to a fantastic dinner I had with a dear friend whom I've known for now more than half of my life. We were catching up after not seeing each other since January (an issue deserving of its own post), talking about our lives and what we want to be doing and it became so obvious that despite our dreams and possessing the abilities to achieve those dreams, we hold ourselves back, self-sabotage and procrastinate, all while watching other people with less experience or skill succeed.

It got me thinking about something I think we overlook on a daily basis - how important it is to encourage each other to pursue our dreams. I will be the first to admit, that until recently if I saw someone, especially another woman, who was successful and appeared to have what I wanted, I was so jealous. That jealousy manifested itself into hostility often towards people I barely knew. It was as if I was looking at life like there was a finite amount of success to go around and each time I saw someone else who appeared to have it, it somehow lessened my chances of succeeding. It's embarrassing to admit and is petty and completely unproductive. What I should have focused on was drawing on their experience and learning about how they achieved their success. My sister gave me a proverbial kick in the pants this past week in that regard, pointing out how ridiculous it is not to learn from the people I have around me for fear of looking like I don't know what I'm doing. As she said, people are usually pretty happy to discuss their own success, so after this post is done, I'm going to take her advice and send an email to someone who has achieved what appears to be success I would like to replicate.

The bottom line: We need to believe in ourselves but we also need to know others believe in us too. Having girlfriends and family who follow up (read: stalk you) and make sure that you are actively working on your goals (read: not procrastinating) is essential to succeed. I recently had my husband, my sister and my cousin all asking me about my progress on finishing an article I had been working on for two months. They were interested in knowing how I was doing, but more importantly, knew that eventually, I would tire of hearing myself make excuses for why I hadn't finished. (I am happy to say, I've finally finished the article and sent it to the travel editor at the Globe and Mail last week. While it would be nice to be published, I'm just so happy and extremely proud of the finished article regardless of if it ends up in the paper or not).

So now I am returning the favour. I've promised my dear friend with whom I dined on Friday night, that I will haunt her via text message, checking in to see if she set aside time to work on her business plan for a business that is almost undoubtedly going to succeed. You know who you are and I'm coming to get you! As a very smart man once said to me, you owe it to yourself to do this.

Worst shopping 'helper' EVER!

I was poking around the mall over lunch hour today, thinking of places to go to find a dressy pair of dark jeans - something that I can get away with wearing to work without looking like I'm wearing jeans. I am, coincidentally as you will see, wearing my most hated and unflattering pants. I also realize when contemplating which stores to visit that I am steering clear of Banana Republic. Now that I thought about it, I had been doing this the last few times I had been to the mall and today it dawned on me why.

About a month ago, I was feeling particularly frumpy. On that particular day, I was rocking the same pair of frumpy pants that, to be fair, only looked that way because I had lost some weight. Definitely not a bad problem to have, however, frumpy is frumpy and you cannot feel your best knowing that you look like you borrowed your granny's slacks. On that day, I decided to go to Banana Republic and check out their lovely, pretty things. They have a knack for parting me with my money and felt that this visit would be no different.

Now, being petite, I should also say that there are few stores that have clothes that fit proportionately well for short people. BR is one of the few so I was happy to spot a few options as I walked in. What I was not happy to find was the sales associate. She was obviously trained to help customers by finding the correct fit for their body type, however, I am sure there are no customers who would have appreciated her approach to accomplishing this task. Keeping in mind that I was already feeling dumpy in my frumpy-frump pants, she asks me to open my coat to 'see my shape'. I've never been ask this request, at least not before 9 pm and definitely not in such a well-lit locale. Taken aback, I slowly and obediently opened my coat to reveal 'my shape'. I've never felt so exposed! It was awful. I was in there because I already felt crappy, the last thing I wanted was to have someone scrutinizing my appearance. Ugh. Just give me the damn pants, woman!

Little Miss Helpful selected not only the cut and fit she thought best, but also provided her best guess at my size - yet another blow. As I said, the reason I was in here was because my pants were too big (yay), yet she was not asking my size but rather, sizing me up (boo)!

Needless to say, I left without buying anything, and until today, didn't realize that I had been avoiding going back there, lest I be 'examined' again. Humourous in retrospect for sure, the experience reinforces my rule that one should dress up just a tad when heading out for new threads so you feel pretty good about yourself before undoubtedly sporting some hellish wardrobe selections. Or we should at leat be prepared tell such helpful sales people to beat it!

When you're in it, you're in it

When you're in it, you're in it. It's hard to see around it. A rut. A funk. The dumps. What ever you call it, when that's where you are, that's all you can see. I'm in it right now. Actually, I'm on my way back out. But still not totally out yet.

What am I rambling about? Not being able to see the forest for the trees, but even more significant, not being able to imagine ever seeing, being, living, feeling anything differently than I am right now. And I can't really remember it being any other way before either. Like I said, when you're in it, you're really frigging in it.

Maybe it's this time of year...the cusp of spring, the beginning of new life. We aren't there yet, but it's coming and we feel it's imminence in the air, in the longer days and warmer sun. I feel anticipation and anxiousness, but mostly, I feel change is around the corner. I know come summer, when I go through my 'New Year's' phase, I don't want to be in the same spot I was last year. Not that it was bad. It wasn't. It's just not what I want. So I write. I write and think. I write and plan. And then I write some more. Like my husband says, it's like throwing spaghetti at a wall; sooner or later something is bound to stick. So I persist. I hope I have something to show for it soon.

Happy New Year in July

I suppose everyone has a time of the year where things tend to bother them more, or they are more introspective. According to the commercial calendars of western culture, this time is supposed to coincide with the New Year. Personally, I don’t find this to be the case, and I’m sure if people stopped to think about the patterns that naturally emerge in their lives, most would find that while symbolically, the New Year makes sense, it’s probably some other trigger that we find ourselves thinking about what we’ve accomplished, our regrets, our dreams and what we promise to ourselves to change.

For me, that time of the year is July, specifically, it’s the brief two weeks that I take as vacation. The two weeks that I circled from the time I put up the new calendar in January. It’s the two weeks that I day dream about while toiling away at work. It’s the two weeks that, when they finally do arrive, slip away in between sunsets and sandy beaches until I wake up to head back to work.

And that’s when it hits me – This is what I’ve been working for all year? How is it gone before I know it? And I’m left with the remainder of the summer knowing that I won’t be having time off to enjoy much of it. Maybe this quasi-depressed outlook is amplified by our location in a Canadian climate, where the precious 16 weeks of fair weather is sandwiched by months of cold. Ok, that’s a bit overly dramatic but I do wonder if it plays a role in my outlook.

Regardless of the cause, it leads down the same path each time – introspection and taking stock of what I’ve done or am still struggling with 12 months later. I think it’s because I can truly identify where I was and what I was doing the previous year at the same time that I can see my life almost as a display against that background.

Here's hoping that next year, when I look back, I'll be able to see the progress I've made. Maybe a few more of those half-finished projects around the house will see completion. Maybe one of my websites will be up and running. Maybe I'll be doing more of what I love and able to earn a few extra buck from writing. Who knows?

What I do know is for the time-being, as summer fades, I'm moving ahead to keep working at doing more of what I love - writing. I'm also making a resolution to be more positive and enjoy the things I do accomplish, no matter how small, instead of only looking ahead and being deflated by what I still have left to do. Fingers crossed!

What happened to everything in moderation?

I found this article last week. This woman, Kjerstin Gruys, is making headlines doing the unthinkable: giving up looking in mirrors for a whole year. And my first thought was, "What is she trying to prove?".


I am tired of people taking things so far. The one thing Ms. Gruys has working for her is that she is a PhD student, thereby buying her 'research' a shred of credibility under the guise of academia, however, it does not erase, or in my mind, forgive how completely ridiculous and pointless this exercise is.

She is going to an extreme to prove what? That the image we see of ourselves affects us? No kidding! Imagine that! However, I would argue that self-image has more to do with internal perception and less to do with the superficial reflection in the mirror.

If I were to entertain Ms. Gruys' hypothesis even for a moment, I can still blow holes through her methodology: she is still wearing make-up which she refers to on her blog as a 'security blanket' and says she is proud of how proficient she has become at applying it without a mirror. Uh, what? Isn't wearing make-up just as indulgent and narcissistic as looking in a mirror? In fact, I might say it's even moreso; at least the act of looking in a mirror once in a while can be considered selfless when it prevents others from having to endure unfortunate and awkward conversations with me while remnants of the spinach salad from lunch wave from my teeth, or a bat-in-the-cave booger dangles like a daredevil at the edge of my nostril.

I think people sometimes miss the point in their fervor to forge ahead and create a new path, going too far by focusing on one thing, when it should be on something else. Sure, our society as a whole does place a lot of importance on outward appearances, but blaming a mirror is like shooting the messenger.