When you're in it, you're in it

When you're in it, you're in it. It's hard to see around it. A rut. A funk. The dumps. What ever you call it, when that's where you are, that's all you can see. I'm in it right now. Actually, I'm on my way back out. But still not totally out yet.

What am I rambling about? Not being able to see the forest for the trees, but even more significant, not being able to imagine ever seeing, being, living, feeling anything differently than I am right now. And I can't really remember it being any other way before either. Like I said, when you're in it, you're really frigging in it.

Maybe it's this time of year...the cusp of spring, the beginning of new life. We aren't there yet, but it's coming and we feel it's imminence in the air, in the longer days and warmer sun. I feel anticipation and anxiousness, but mostly, I feel change is around the corner. I know come summer, when I go through my 'New Year's' phase, I don't want to be in the same spot I was last year. Not that it was bad. It wasn't. It's just not what I want. So I write. I write and think. I write and plan. And then I write some more. Like my husband says, it's like throwing spaghetti at a wall; sooner or later something is bound to stick. So I persist. I hope I have something to show for it soon.