I suppose everyone has a time of the year where things tend to bother them more, or they are more introspective. According to the commercial calendars of western culture, this time is supposed to coincide with the New Year. Personally, I don’t find this to be the case, and I’m sure if people stopped to think about the patterns that naturally emerge in their lives, most would find that while symbolically, the New Year makes sense, it’s probably some other trigger that we find ourselves thinking about what we’ve accomplished, our regrets, our dreams and what we promise to ourselves to change.
For me, that time of the year is July, specifically, it’s the brief two weeks that I take as vacation. The two weeks that I circled from the time I put up the new calendar in January. It’s the two weeks that I day dream about while toiling away at work. It’s the two weeks that, when they finally do arrive, slip away in between sunsets and sandy beaches until I wake up to head back to work.
And that’s when it hits me – This is what I’ve been working for all year? How is it gone before I know it? And I’m left with the remainder of the summer knowing that I won’t be having time off to enjoy much of it. Maybe this quasi-depressed outlook is amplified by our location in a Canadian climate, where the precious 16 weeks of fair weather is sandwiched by months of cold. Ok, that’s a bit overly dramatic but I do wonder if it plays a role in my outlook.
Regardless of the cause, it leads down the same path each time – introspection and taking stock of what I’ve done or am still struggling with 12 months later. I think it’s because I can truly identify where I was and what I was doing the previous year at the same time that I can see my life almost as a display against that background.
Here's hoping that next year, when I look back, I'll be able to see the progress I've made. Maybe a few more of those half-finished projects around the house will see completion. Maybe one of my websites will be up and running. Maybe I'll be doing more of what I love and able to earn a few extra buck from writing. Who knows?
What I do know is for the time-being, as summer fades, I'm moving ahead to keep working at doing more of what I love - writing. I'm also making a resolution to be more positive and enjoy the things I do accomplish, no matter how small, instead of only looking ahead and being deflated by what I still have left to do. Fingers crossed!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
What happened to everything in moderation?
I found this article last week. This woman, Kjerstin Gruys, is making headlines doing the unthinkable: giving up looking in mirrors for a whole year. And my first thought was, "What is she trying to prove?".
I am tired of people taking things so far. The one thing Ms. Gruys has working for her is that she is a PhD student, thereby buying her 'research' a shred of credibility under the guise of academia, however, it does not erase, or in my mind, forgive how completely ridiculous and pointless this exercise is.
She is going to an extreme to prove what? That the image we see of ourselves affects us? No kidding! Imagine that! However, I would argue that self-image has more to do with internal perception and less to do with the superficial reflection in the mirror.
If I were to entertain Ms. Gruys' hypothesis even for a moment, I can still blow holes through her methodology: she is still wearing make-up which she refers to on her blog as a 'security blanket' and says she is proud of how proficient she has become at applying it without a mirror. Uh, what? Isn't wearing make-up just as indulgent and narcissistic as looking in a mirror? In fact, I might say it's even moreso; at least the act of looking in a mirror once in a while can be considered selfless when it prevents others from having to endure unfortunate and awkward conversations with me while remnants of the spinach salad from lunch wave from my teeth, or a bat-in-the-cave booger dangles like a daredevil at the edge of my nostril.
I think people sometimes miss the point in their fervor to forge ahead and create a new path, going too far by focusing on one thing, when it should be on something else. Sure, our society as a whole does place a lot of importance on outward appearances, but blaming a mirror is like shooting the messenger.
I am tired of people taking things so far. The one thing Ms. Gruys has working for her is that she is a PhD student, thereby buying her 'research' a shred of credibility under the guise of academia, however, it does not erase, or in my mind, forgive how completely ridiculous and pointless this exercise is.
She is going to an extreme to prove what? That the image we see of ourselves affects us? No kidding! Imagine that! However, I would argue that self-image has more to do with internal perception and less to do with the superficial reflection in the mirror.
If I were to entertain Ms. Gruys' hypothesis even for a moment, I can still blow holes through her methodology: she is still wearing make-up which she refers to on her blog as a 'security blanket' and says she is proud of how proficient she has become at applying it without a mirror. Uh, what? Isn't wearing make-up just as indulgent and narcissistic as looking in a mirror? In fact, I might say it's even moreso; at least the act of looking in a mirror once in a while can be considered selfless when it prevents others from having to endure unfortunate and awkward conversations with me while remnants of the spinach salad from lunch wave from my teeth, or a bat-in-the-cave booger dangles like a daredevil at the edge of my nostril.
I think people sometimes miss the point in their fervor to forge ahead and create a new path, going too far by focusing on one thing, when it should be on something else. Sure, our society as a whole does place a lot of importance on outward appearances, but blaming a mirror is like shooting the messenger.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Why I've had it with (some) mommy bloggers
I know a lot of women who are moms. Some are followers of mommy bloggers, some don’t follow any blogs and some of the moms I know should be bloggers themselves. I am about to be very critical of mommy bloggers who fall into a very specific category – the ones that irritate me. They are those who Tweet or blog about their life as if it’s something new to everyone else. Yes, you are right. You have kids so you must be different from the rest of us with spawn. Here’s why I dislike what you have to say:
1. Inappropriateness of content – Check yourself before you wreck yourself
I seriously read a Tweet by someone who thought it necessary to share the moment that her son was taking an extra stinky poop in a public washroom stall. Really? What the hell on earth made you think that was worth sharing? Like no one has done this before, or been forced as a parent to deal with inopportune bathroom moments? Is it such an earth shattering part of your day that you need your followers to be informed? I think not. I’m still disgusted and dismayed by that one. What were you thinking??
2. There is more to life even if you are the old woman who lived in a shoe. If you have too many kids, it’s no one else’s burden, so lighten up or shut up. If you incessantly Tweet about being tired and complaining and have a houseful of kids by choice, I don't have much pity and tolerance for your plight. No kidding you’ll be tired and I get the whole misery loves company thing so if that is your game, so be it. Just don’t pretend to be happy and then Tweet nothing but complaints. Occasional self-mockery and frustrated Tweets about the ridiculousness of your offspring is ok because we can all relate, but please don't let that be the bulk of what you have to say!
3. You are making the rest of us look bad. And I don’t mean because of your supermom prowess with only educational outings and an overly nurturing approach to child-rearing (bordering on bubble wrapping the house). No, not because of how great of a mom you are but because of how it seems you've forgotten you are a woman too. Because you make it look like women become hideous frumps after popping out some kids and it’s ok. It’s not. And don’t justify it by saying it’s because your kids’ well-being is first and foremost. Saying that they are first implies that other things come second, third and so on. Your kids’ are likely all that you care about or have grown to be consumed by. And what about your marriage? As soon as caring about your appearance goes, it’s my belief (based on experience and observation) that the effort you put into your marriage is not far behind. That Tide commercial with the woman who says she always wears yoga pants because she is too lazy for real pants, while funny, is unfortunately not confined to TV land. Yes, Lululemon can be insanely flattering, but honey, not when they are faded and worn through (sure, it’s all that yoga and Pilates you’ve been doing) and adorned with dried food smears. Get with it and give a crap about how you look, if only half as much as you care about your next playgroup date and you might be surprised by the results. And if you argue that you don’t care for looking good or don't have the time. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you’ve given up caring and there is a big difference. The Globe and Mail published an article by a mom blogger in Edmonton who traded her career wardrobe for casual stuff when she decided to stay at home with her kids. Fair enough. Even though the focus of her article was about consignment store shopping for kids clothes, the fact that she clearly lives in frumpy clothes and is ok with that was extremely apparent and appalling. Ok sure, no one is expecting you to rock Donna Karan suits at home or the grocery store, but staying at home is not a license to ‘forget’ to look at yourself before you leave the house (yes, I’m referring to her mentioning dried food in her hair when she went out - gross). That’s just basic grooming and having kids is no excuse not to practise it. What lessons do you think you are teaching your offspring if you don’t take the 10 seconds to review your food-to-teeth-ratio before stepping out? And you expect them to brush their teeth religiously? Really?
4. Being frantic and busy doesn’t make you a better parent. Likewise, showing the world just how frantic and busy you are (in a very obvious and attention-seeking way)doesn't make anyone else believe it either. There is a difference between looking busy and being effective. Everyone has shit to do. Stop acting like its 'so insane' all the time. Sure, having kids means you have to be effective with your time. You make concessions for them and accommodate their needs but what about your own needs? Putting other stuff like your appearance and your relationship with your husband/partner on the back burner is only going to get you burned. Running around frantic doesn't mean you are getting anything done. If you really want to get things done, get over yourself and deal with real life, really. Be genuine and put in an all-round effort where you are needed, not just where you think it will make you look good.
5. And lastly, stop complaining about how loud the school bus is during that mid-week field trip to the zoo that you are accompanying. Be happy you aren’t listening to coworkers complaining, printers and copy machines buzzing, or sitting in rush-hour traffic after watching another 8 hours of your life disappear. If you are in the fortunate position to be able to get a headache from excited kids during the middle of the day, during the week, and are too stupid to realize that many parents NEVER get that opportunity, I don’t want to hear your whining and lack of perspective.
Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. Don't get me wrong - there are days as parents that you do go through those scenarios. My complaint is when people lose their perspective completely and become too self-centered to realize the rest of the world is still going on around them. Kids are fabulous and wonderful and made of sugar and puppies and all that, but they are not and should not be your only focus as a parent. You want them to grow up to be well-rounded adults, don't you? So why not lead by example? Your family (and society) will be glad you did.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Want to ace your next interview? Here's how
Job interviews are not fun. My recent experience participating in an interview panel brought to light some obvious things that should be avoided during an interview. With the hopes of providing some simple and useful tips to get through what is such a stressful experience for most of us, here is the list of do’s and don’ts I gathered:
1. Don’t say ‘I hate interviews’. No one likes interviews and now is not the time to let everyone who has gathered here know that you too, share this common opinion.
2. Stay positive. Focus on answering questions by showing what you do know, how you can contribute and what your experiences have to offer. Don’t mention that you are worried you might not have enough experience. This leads to the next point…
3. Don’t apologize for what you don’t know. The last thing you need to do is put a magnifying glass to your weaknesses. Acknowledge them as such, but put a positive spin on it – you learn fast, you are resourceful, dedicated, etc. to expanding your skills, meeting new challenges, and so on. Don’t say sorry for what you perceive is a strike against you!
4. Don’t keep talking to try to fill the void. If you answer a question briefly, don’t keep talking because you think you should have more to say. This usually muddies up the answer you already gave and makes you look unsure of yourself. Verbal diarrhea should be avoided.
5. DO come prepared – Part 1: Bring a note pad, reference papers, and a pen (unless specified not to). Taking notes during the interview helps to keep your thoughts and answers on track. It shows you care and you are ready to do what it takes to do a good job. Don’t be shy to jot notes about the questions you are asked – they are often complex, multi-part questions.
6. DO come prepared – Part 2: Do some research into the company or organization or at the very least, visit their website. Not having done so will be obvious and will not win you any points. One of the panels I was on interviewed someone for a position that consisted of providing information to high school students about how to apply to university. This person didn’t research anything about this process and it was totally obvious. This is just insulting. If you are called for the interview, the expectation is that you have done research to find out what you are getting yourself into. You don’t have to be an expert, but show that you took the initiative to learn something.
7. DO come prepared – Part 3: Have case studies, scenarios and examples at the ready. You cannot prepare for an exam without reviewing more material than what you will be tested on. An interview should be approached the same. Prepare for those questions you can almost certainly count on being asked – you know: “Tell us about a particularly difficult situation where you had to deal with a [insert situation here]” or “Give us an example of your contribution on a project that shows why you would be a good fit for this job”. Those questions. If you’re like me, you have been stumped and put on the hot seat trying desperately to think of something right then and there. To ace this part of an interview, preparation is key. Start by looking at the statement of qualifications that are outlined for the job, and then comb through your experiences for situations you can match up to illustrate these qualities. Bring cue cards with your scenarios written out. In an interview, cue cards aren’t a cheat sheet. Being prepared is a good thing! And if you don’t get asked those questions point-blank, you can bet the exercise of preparing for them has put you farther ahead, allowing you to be better able to relay your experience and qualifications.
8. Don’t use not currently being in the job as an excuse for not answering a question. Yes, this really did happen. Even if you did your research on the position you applied to and are still stuck, don’t bring attention to it. Do the best you can with your knowledge and whatever you do, avoid saying you can’t answer because “it’s hard to answer since I’m not in the job”! We know that. We are trying to find out what you would do though.
9. Keep your personal thoughts, feelings, opinions and noises to yourself. We do not need an exasperated sigh or horsey-style neigh for each difficult question you need to ponder. AVOID – AVOID-AVOID!!!!
10. And last but not least, never EVER insult or indicate in any way, shape or form that you think anything but highly of your potential future employer, or clients you might be dealing with. Again, this really did happen. Someone I interviewed for the same job I mentioned earlier (where they would be doing customer service for students on a daily basis) actually said she thought students were liars and irresponsible at keeping track of essential information. What?! The panel was incredulous. You cannot hire someone who thinks their main clientele are liars!
So that’s my advice through observation so far. Simple enough! Good luck!
1. Don’t say ‘I hate interviews’. No one likes interviews and now is not the time to let everyone who has gathered here know that you too, share this common opinion.
2. Stay positive. Focus on answering questions by showing what you do know, how you can contribute and what your experiences have to offer. Don’t mention that you are worried you might not have enough experience. This leads to the next point…
3. Don’t apologize for what you don’t know. The last thing you need to do is put a magnifying glass to your weaknesses. Acknowledge them as such, but put a positive spin on it – you learn fast, you are resourceful, dedicated, etc. to expanding your skills, meeting new challenges, and so on. Don’t say sorry for what you perceive is a strike against you!
4. Don’t keep talking to try to fill the void. If you answer a question briefly, don’t keep talking because you think you should have more to say. This usually muddies up the answer you already gave and makes you look unsure of yourself. Verbal diarrhea should be avoided.
5. DO come prepared – Part 1: Bring a note pad, reference papers, and a pen (unless specified not to). Taking notes during the interview helps to keep your thoughts and answers on track. It shows you care and you are ready to do what it takes to do a good job. Don’t be shy to jot notes about the questions you are asked – they are often complex, multi-part questions.
6. DO come prepared – Part 2: Do some research into the company or organization or at the very least, visit their website. Not having done so will be obvious and will not win you any points. One of the panels I was on interviewed someone for a position that consisted of providing information to high school students about how to apply to university. This person didn’t research anything about this process and it was totally obvious. This is just insulting. If you are called for the interview, the expectation is that you have done research to find out what you are getting yourself into. You don’t have to be an expert, but show that you took the initiative to learn something.
7. DO come prepared – Part 3: Have case studies, scenarios and examples at the ready. You cannot prepare for an exam without reviewing more material than what you will be tested on. An interview should be approached the same. Prepare for those questions you can almost certainly count on being asked – you know: “Tell us about a particularly difficult situation where you had to deal with a [insert situation here]” or “Give us an example of your contribution on a project that shows why you would be a good fit for this job”. Those questions. If you’re like me, you have been stumped and put on the hot seat trying desperately to think of something right then and there. To ace this part of an interview, preparation is key. Start by looking at the statement of qualifications that are outlined for the job, and then comb through your experiences for situations you can match up to illustrate these qualities. Bring cue cards with your scenarios written out. In an interview, cue cards aren’t a cheat sheet. Being prepared is a good thing! And if you don’t get asked those questions point-blank, you can bet the exercise of preparing for them has put you farther ahead, allowing you to be better able to relay your experience and qualifications.
8. Don’t use not currently being in the job as an excuse for not answering a question. Yes, this really did happen. Even if you did your research on the position you applied to and are still stuck, don’t bring attention to it. Do the best you can with your knowledge and whatever you do, avoid saying you can’t answer because “it’s hard to answer since I’m not in the job”! We know that. We are trying to find out what you would do though.
9. Keep your personal thoughts, feelings, opinions and noises to yourself. We do not need an exasperated sigh or horsey-style neigh for each difficult question you need to ponder. AVOID – AVOID-AVOID!!!!
10. And last but not least, never EVER insult or indicate in any way, shape or form that you think anything but highly of your potential future employer, or clients you might be dealing with. Again, this really did happen. Someone I interviewed for the same job I mentioned earlier (where they would be doing customer service for students on a daily basis) actually said she thought students were liars and irresponsible at keeping track of essential information. What?! The panel was incredulous. You cannot hire someone who thinks their main clientele are liars!
So that’s my advice through observation so far. Simple enough! Good luck!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Letter and a rough night
Despite the mail strike, yesterday I received a letter that I guess I had been hoping wouldn't materialize. Like a an overdue bill, it's eventual arrival was inevitable. As the time ticked down to the end of the school year, the letter came just as I had half expected,and half hoped it wouldn't.
What was this dreaded piece of correspondence? It was my youngest daughter's junior kindergarten intake package. Even writing the words down now (the next day), I feel a pit in my stomach and tears beginning to well up. Though I was preparing for this, I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. She really is going to school. How did this happen? Three and a half years flew by and here I am, supposed to be ready to put her on the bus. I'm not.
So with the letter in hand, I walked over to the calendar in the pantry to make a note of her first day. And that's when I lost it. Luckily the typical hum of daily life in our house made it possible for me to slip out of the room unnoticed. I went to the powder room to have a moment to myself. Sitting on the toilet seat, I cried. A lot. And hard. When did my kids grow up? I'm pretty sure I was just pregnant with my youngest and caring for a 5-year-old who was just starting kindergarten herself.
After I felt more composed, I came out to see my oldest daughter and husband snuggled on the sofa together (my youngest was staying at my parents overnight - which wasn't working in my favour as I just wanted to hold her and hug her...but I digress). Before my eldest went off to bed, I told her how proud my husband and I are of her, and that we have a hard time figuring out where the time has gone, but we are so lucky to have two amazing girls. I had trouble speaking with the lump in my throat which only got my sensitive daughter going too (yes more tears). We hugged, and lingered in that moment (I wish I could remember to do that more)and most importantly, told each other how much we love each other, something that can get away from us as we move through the routines of daily life.
Maybe as the summer moves along, it will become easier for me to accept that both girls will be in school. I am already envisioning (read: dreading) standing among the other parents and completely losing it in a weeping heap of inconsolable emotion as I watch my daughter's little body takes those giant steps onto the bus, while I watch intently to make sure she finds a seat. "Hold it together" I'm telling myself, "keep it together long enough to wave". As the bus drives off, I can see my husband consoling me while I bury my face in his chest, hiding that horrible ugly crying face that no one outside your family and closest friends should ever have to see.
Having this little movie running through my mind three months before it actually happens is perhaps not helping. I'm hoping in some perverse way the torture is somehow therapeutic. Who knows? What I do know for certain is that I am going to remember to take the time to enjoy the coming months of summer frolicking with my two girls while they are still small. Deep breaths.....
What was this dreaded piece of correspondence? It was my youngest daughter's junior kindergarten intake package. Even writing the words down now (the next day), I feel a pit in my stomach and tears beginning to well up. Though I was preparing for this, I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. She really is going to school. How did this happen? Three and a half years flew by and here I am, supposed to be ready to put her on the bus. I'm not.
So with the letter in hand, I walked over to the calendar in the pantry to make a note of her first day. And that's when I lost it. Luckily the typical hum of daily life in our house made it possible for me to slip out of the room unnoticed. I went to the powder room to have a moment to myself. Sitting on the toilet seat, I cried. A lot. And hard. When did my kids grow up? I'm pretty sure I was just pregnant with my youngest and caring for a 5-year-old who was just starting kindergarten herself.
After I felt more composed, I came out to see my oldest daughter and husband snuggled on the sofa together (my youngest was staying at my parents overnight - which wasn't working in my favour as I just wanted to hold her and hug her...but I digress). Before my eldest went off to bed, I told her how proud my husband and I are of her, and that we have a hard time figuring out where the time has gone, but we are so lucky to have two amazing girls. I had trouble speaking with the lump in my throat which only got my sensitive daughter going too (yes more tears). We hugged, and lingered in that moment (I wish I could remember to do that more)and most importantly, told each other how much we love each other, something that can get away from us as we move through the routines of daily life.
Maybe as the summer moves along, it will become easier for me to accept that both girls will be in school. I am already envisioning (read: dreading) standing among the other parents and completely losing it in a weeping heap of inconsolable emotion as I watch my daughter's little body takes those giant steps onto the bus, while I watch intently to make sure she finds a seat. "Hold it together" I'm telling myself, "keep it together long enough to wave". As the bus drives off, I can see my husband consoling me while I bury my face in his chest, hiding that horrible ugly crying face that no one outside your family and closest friends should ever have to see.
Having this little movie running through my mind three months before it actually happens is perhaps not helping. I'm hoping in some perverse way the torture is somehow therapeutic. Who knows? What I do know for certain is that I am going to remember to take the time to enjoy the coming months of summer frolicking with my two girls while they are still small. Deep breaths.....
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Stop looking! This is the BEST mascara out there. Period.
If you could only add one more thing to your beauty arsenal for the rest of your life, hands down, it would HAVE to be Fresh's Supernova mascara. This is the stuff of mascara commercials and airbrushing dreams. It gives you Eva Longoria-esque lashes without the falsies. It's so good you may even dare to wear it without other make up. I'm not exaggerating. I have never had comments on my lashes before I started wearing this stuff!
Sensitive eyes
I switched to this brand after suddenly developing eye sensitivities. Supernova has been a dream come true. Not itchy or flaky or clumpy. Just awesome. And if it doesn't work out for you, Sephora (the only place it is sold in Ottawa, maybe in Canada?), has a fabulous policy that allows you to return products.
At $30 a tube, it is pricey but so well worth it. If you can, try it out in a mini tube. Fresh offers a mascara duo in trial sizes for only $11.95! You get Supernova and Firebird Magic Mini Wands Duo. They are amazing on their own or layered together. Either way, this mini duo lasts about 5 or 6 months! What a bargain.
Sephora ships to Canada, but there are also stores across Canada.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Yummy Summer Bevvie: The Chill Pink Lady
Yes, I did name this myself. :-)
I see a cool pitcher of this in my future:
• 2L Cooled passion tea (Starbucks loose tea bags - the big ones!)
• Juice from half a lime (or to taste)
• Sugar, simple syrup or artificial sweetener*, to taste.
• Vodka, I guess this would also be to taste, however, I would recommend about 4 or 5 oz. per litre of iced tea
• Lime wedges or slices to float in the tea.
*Sugar makes hangovers worse. Using artificial sweetener instead can help with that!
Add ice to the pitcher when you are ready to serve, but be careful not to water down the tea too much. You could also brew the tea stronger (more tea bags, not steeped longer) to compensate for ice being added later. For 1 L of tea, I recommend 3 tea bags, steeped for about 4 or 5 minutes. Keep checking on it - you don't want the tea to be too strong and therefore too bitter. If you prefer a stronger taste, add another tea bag rather than steeping longer.
Mint leaves would also be a nice addition to the tea flavours.
Enjoy! Do you have a recipe you'd like to share? Post it in the comments!
I see a cool pitcher of this in my future:
• 2L Cooled passion tea (Starbucks loose tea bags - the big ones!)
• Juice from half a lime (or to taste)
• Sugar, simple syrup or artificial sweetener*, to taste.
• Vodka, I guess this would also be to taste, however, I would recommend about 4 or 5 oz. per litre of iced tea
• Lime wedges or slices to float in the tea.
*Sugar makes hangovers worse. Using artificial sweetener instead can help with that!
Add ice to the pitcher when you are ready to serve, but be careful not to water down the tea too much. You could also brew the tea stronger (more tea bags, not steeped longer) to compensate for ice being added later. For 1 L of tea, I recommend 3 tea bags, steeped for about 4 or 5 minutes. Keep checking on it - you don't want the tea to be too strong and therefore too bitter. If you prefer a stronger taste, add another tea bag rather than steeping longer.
Mint leaves would also be a nice addition to the tea flavours.
Enjoy! Do you have a recipe you'd like to share? Post it in the comments!
Yay - Boo: Vacation
Yay – vacation is good. Vacation is relaxing. Vacation is a break from routine. Boo- vacation makes me lazy. Vacation makes me not care about working out. Vacation makes me realize you can’t accomplish all that you thought you would with your ‘free’ time.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
A lot of inspiration comes from doing
The blinking cursor is like a child jumping at me to get my attention – anxious, persistent….annoying. So to pacify it, I start writing. And so that is how the story goes. From that leap to just start writing I rediscovered how much I enjoy writing. No...how much I LOVE writing.
I had pushed that passion aside for awhile, but one particularly frustrating day when I was also feeling very defeated (I'll never start my business! I'm not original!) and sorry for myself (I'm doomed to toil away for years in this cubicle!!), I realized I needed an outlet for how I was feeling. So I just began writing. Writing about anything and everything I wanted to explore, externalize, criticize, analyze or just enjoy reflecting upon. This was the best thing I could have done and it led me to take note of some things that often hold us back (I'm assuming I’m not alone in this boat):
• Anne Lamothe is right – writing means getting it all out on paper, starting with a 1-inch frame of vision and not giving a crap because first drafts should be shitty. It’s like the go-button for verbal diarrhea. But amidst the outpouring of ideas and words, may be a few gems that would never have seen the light of day had you not plummeted through paragraphs of garbage first. I am actually quite amazed that this really works. Our brain works in crazy ways our conscious mind can't even get, and we have so much stored in there, but often no desire to go sifting through the clutter. Seeing what develops or is uncovered in your own mind is like watching your own hand moving on a Ouija board. It's all in there and seems to take on a life of it's own when the dark corners are lit up and swept out.
• This leads to my second insight – just go with it. I’ve made a point to consciously recognize potential material from the most trivial, mundane things to the completely obvious. I let my mind wander now, with an awareness of an observer, wondering where it will take me. It’s pretty fun and has validated daydreaming. Letting your mind wander is way more productive than we are raised to believe it is. I think the notion to curb daydreaming was probably set out by the "doers" in society. They were probably just jealous of a daydreamer's creativity.
• We are our own worst enemy. Sure, we’ve all heard it before, but this enemy takes so many forms and appears at so many times in our lives, that I firmly believe we often don't recognize this enemy staring us in the face. We mistake it for our practical mind, or tell ourselves we are being realistic when in reality we are stopping ourselves in our tracks. This goes hand-in-hand with Anne Lamothe’s chapter in Bird by Bird, called ‘Shitty First Drafts’. It really puts into perspective how contrary our own mind can be. We cannot create and criticize at the same time. Our brains won't allow it. That’s why the first draft (or the brainstorming or the daydreaming, or the wish-listing) should be allowed to incubate and grow away from our critical mind that can't help but pick it apart. This not only to writing but also to our aspirations in life. For example, I realized that I’m the one telling myself that my writing isn’t good enough, or I’m not established enough or different/unique enough or that someone already is doing this or that, so why bother at all??!! You get the picture. I’m stunting any possibility for growth with that kind of thinking. I’m not letting my aspirations incubate and grow to see where they lead.
• Lastly, although my husband said this a while ago (and yes, it is yet another example of him saying something, me not ‘getting’ it the first time around, and then months later, having a ‘Ah-Ha!’ moment as the pieces fall into place). He told me when I was plotting my way to entrepreneur extraordinaire as writer (I'm writing a book) and decorator of kid's rooms and painter of artwork for children (I want to start a business), to put all the planning and number crunching and dream-busting self-criticism aside and “focus on creating" first. I scoffed at this horse-before-cart-mentality. Why on earth would I want to have paintings just sitting around with no business set up through which to sell them? But he couldn’t have been more right. There is a certain power and inspiration that comes from doing, especially when you are doing it because you love it. Though I haven’t landed any blog-writing jobs or a freelance assignments, nor have I been hired to consult on an interior design for kids segment in my favourite magazine (Style at Home btw, if any of their editors are reading this), I am writing with a renewed passion and less self-criticism.
I hope that I am honest and don't limit myself, that others will also see how genuine and passionate I am in my work. Who knows? Maybe it will pave the way for some welcome changes to my incoming-earning years ahead of me.
I had pushed that passion aside for awhile, but one particularly frustrating day when I was also feeling very defeated (I'll never start my business! I'm not original!) and sorry for myself (I'm doomed to toil away for years in this cubicle!!), I realized I needed an outlet for how I was feeling. So I just began writing. Writing about anything and everything I wanted to explore, externalize, criticize, analyze or just enjoy reflecting upon. This was the best thing I could have done and it led me to take note of some things that often hold us back (I'm assuming I’m not alone in this boat):
• Anne Lamothe is right – writing means getting it all out on paper, starting with a 1-inch frame of vision and not giving a crap because first drafts should be shitty. It’s like the go-button for verbal diarrhea. But amidst the outpouring of ideas and words, may be a few gems that would never have seen the light of day had you not plummeted through paragraphs of garbage first. I am actually quite amazed that this really works. Our brain works in crazy ways our conscious mind can't even get, and we have so much stored in there, but often no desire to go sifting through the clutter. Seeing what develops or is uncovered in your own mind is like watching your own hand moving on a Ouija board. It's all in there and seems to take on a life of it's own when the dark corners are lit up and swept out.
• This leads to my second insight – just go with it. I’ve made a point to consciously recognize potential material from the most trivial, mundane things to the completely obvious. I let my mind wander now, with an awareness of an observer, wondering where it will take me. It’s pretty fun and has validated daydreaming. Letting your mind wander is way more productive than we are raised to believe it is. I think the notion to curb daydreaming was probably set out by the "doers" in society. They were probably just jealous of a daydreamer's creativity.
• We are our own worst enemy. Sure, we’ve all heard it before, but this enemy takes so many forms and appears at so many times in our lives, that I firmly believe we often don't recognize this enemy staring us in the face. We mistake it for our practical mind, or tell ourselves we are being realistic when in reality we are stopping ourselves in our tracks. This goes hand-in-hand with Anne Lamothe’s chapter in Bird by Bird, called ‘Shitty First Drafts’. It really puts into perspective how contrary our own mind can be. We cannot create and criticize at the same time. Our brains won't allow it. That’s why the first draft (or the brainstorming or the daydreaming, or the wish-listing) should be allowed to incubate and grow away from our critical mind that can't help but pick it apart. This not only to writing but also to our aspirations in life. For example, I realized that I’m the one telling myself that my writing isn’t good enough, or I’m not established enough or different/unique enough or that someone already is doing this or that, so why bother at all??!! You get the picture. I’m stunting any possibility for growth with that kind of thinking. I’m not letting my aspirations incubate and grow to see where they lead.
• Lastly, although my husband said this a while ago (and yes, it is yet another example of him saying something, me not ‘getting’ it the first time around, and then months later, having a ‘Ah-Ha!’ moment as the pieces fall into place). He told me when I was plotting my way to entrepreneur extraordinaire as writer (I'm writing a book) and decorator of kid's rooms and painter of artwork for children (I want to start a business), to put all the planning and number crunching and dream-busting self-criticism aside and “focus on creating" first. I scoffed at this horse-before-cart-mentality. Why on earth would I want to have paintings just sitting around with no business set up through which to sell them? But he couldn’t have been more right. There is a certain power and inspiration that comes from doing, especially when you are doing it because you love it. Though I haven’t landed any blog-writing jobs or a freelance assignments, nor have I been hired to consult on an interior design for kids segment in my favourite magazine (Style at Home btw, if any of their editors are reading this), I am writing with a renewed passion and less self-criticism.
I hope that I am honest and don't limit myself, that others will also see how genuine and passionate I am in my work. Who knows? Maybe it will pave the way for some welcome changes to my incoming-earning years ahead of me.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Yesterday I had a terrifying experience
Anyone who knows me would wonder: What could have possibly happened for Nancy to have such a bad time in a place where she feels so at home? It wasn’t so much what I saw. It was how it made me feel.
In a place where I have been known to literally spend hours (sometimes without buying a thing!), I felt like I had landed on another planet and emerged in some strange and foreign place. For the first time since taking an interest in my appearance when I was 10 years old, I was confused and unfamiliar with the landscape before me.
As I navigated the racks of clothing, I struggled to push out the taunting voice of insecurity telling me that this was it: I’m too old to “get” these style and I have no business shopping in this store because I don’t look like I used to! Gasp. It’s not like I had walked into Hollister or American Eagle. I was in age-appropriate stores yet, I felt like I was stumbling through a house of mirrors.
Out of this harrowing experience came the realization that, yes, I would have to relearn how to dress myself. It’s frightening but somewhere along the way I had fallen off the fashionista bus. What once came with such ease was now a struggle! I was dismayed and defeated. That night I did what brings me a Zen vibe on a bad day: I visited my favourite online stores for some eye candy and studied the outfits they put together.
Not only did this help me relax, but it was also a great refresher. Looking at complete outfits, I was able to examine at how the overall look was pulled together by identifying the formulas for pairing certain styles and shapes together. For example, slim fitting bottoms need to be paired with a loose, flowy top.
Then I had an idea. Why not create a shopping cheat-sheet? It’s easy to get discouraged or distracted (or both) while in stores, so making notes (like categorizing styles and noting what they pair well with, as well as what would suit my size and shape) would help me stay on track and avoid having a perfectly wondering shopping trip ruined by frustration or self-doubt. And I am not ashamed to say that I plan to take this cheat-sheet with me when I venture out next. If I need it, I have it.
It was hard to admit that dressing myself doesn’t come as easy as it once did. The reality is I don’t want to spend hours coordinating outfits. I do however, want to feel pulled together (hey, at least I can give the appearance of having myself together!). So my next few posts will chronicle this adventure. I’ll show how I do my research, I’ll share tips for categorizing clothing, picking the best pieces for your body and budget, and help you prepare your own little cheat-sheet, and I’ll give updates on my progress as I learn to dress myself again. Yay!
In a place where I have been known to literally spend hours (sometimes without buying a thing!), I felt like I had landed on another planet and emerged in some strange and foreign place. For the first time since taking an interest in my appearance when I was 10 years old, I was confused and unfamiliar with the landscape before me.
As I navigated the racks of clothing, I struggled to push out the taunting voice of insecurity telling me that this was it: I’m too old to “get” these style and I have no business shopping in this store because I don’t look like I used to! Gasp. It’s not like I had walked into Hollister or American Eagle. I was in age-appropriate stores yet, I felt like I was stumbling through a house of mirrors.
Out of this harrowing experience came the realization that, yes, I would have to relearn how to dress myself. It’s frightening but somewhere along the way I had fallen off the fashionista bus. What once came with such ease was now a struggle! I was dismayed and defeated. That night I did what brings me a Zen vibe on a bad day: I visited my favourite online stores for some eye candy and studied the outfits they put together.
Not only did this help me relax, but it was also a great refresher. Looking at complete outfits, I was able to examine at how the overall look was pulled together by identifying the formulas for pairing certain styles and shapes together. For example, slim fitting bottoms need to be paired with a loose, flowy top.
Then I had an idea. Why not create a shopping cheat-sheet? It’s easy to get discouraged or distracted (or both) while in stores, so making notes (like categorizing styles and noting what they pair well with, as well as what would suit my size and shape) would help me stay on track and avoid having a perfectly wondering shopping trip ruined by frustration or self-doubt. And I am not ashamed to say that I plan to take this cheat-sheet with me when I venture out next. If I need it, I have it.
It was hard to admit that dressing myself doesn’t come as easy as it once did. The reality is I don’t want to spend hours coordinating outfits. I do however, want to feel pulled together (hey, at least I can give the appearance of having myself together!). So my next few posts will chronicle this adventure. I’ll show how I do my research, I’ll share tips for categorizing clothing, picking the best pieces for your body and budget, and help you prepare your own little cheat-sheet, and I’ll give updates on my progress as I learn to dress myself again. Yay!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The art of being honest
It’s messy. Why is January so tough despite promising myself I wouldn’t let it be this year? Why do I only notice things are going downhill when they’re already near the bottom? Why, despite consciously promising myself to be as positive as possible, I’m still feeling/looking at things negatively? Why does my subconscious prefer to disagree with my conscious decision to ‘enjoy winter’? Why do I feel pathetic even writing this down when I know other people have tragic and horrible things to deal with? Why do I feel so uninspired at a time when I have so many enticing ideas to work on? Is it that I feel uninspired or discouraged? Why is it that all I want to do is curl up into a ball and shut out the world and be inside my head? Why can’t I sleep well? Why has it been so hard to start back at the gym? Do I need a life coach? Is it indulgent that I want one? It is because I am lazy?
I like being by myself. I like the silence of winter. I like the image of sun breaking over a cold field. I like the frost and the cold when I am warm. I like the welcome of a cabin cushioned at the lakeside with snow-covered trees. I want to sit at a window in the loft of this cabin, in the morning when the light is pale, looking out at a frozen lake. Waiting. Thinking. Typing. Contemplating. Wondering. Dreaming. I have visions of that desk and the vista beyond the window. I see it in summer, I see it in fall, and now in winter. I see this as a place my mind retreats to where I think I will be inspired so much that work will be no effort at all. I have things to say, ideas to share, opinions to broadcast, but they are a jumbled, disorganized mess. I am not sure which way is up, what comes first or where to begin. Begin at the beginning would be the most logical place. And where ever I start is the beginning. My ideas are all over the road. So am I. What is up?
I like being by myself. I like the silence of winter. I like the image of sun breaking over a cold field. I like the frost and the cold when I am warm. I like the welcome of a cabin cushioned at the lakeside with snow-covered trees. I want to sit at a window in the loft of this cabin, in the morning when the light is pale, looking out at a frozen lake. Waiting. Thinking. Typing. Contemplating. Wondering. Dreaming. I have visions of that desk and the vista beyond the window. I see it in summer, I see it in fall, and now in winter. I see this as a place my mind retreats to where I think I will be inspired so much that work will be no effort at all. I have things to say, ideas to share, opinions to broadcast, but they are a jumbled, disorganized mess. I am not sure which way is up, what comes first or where to begin. Begin at the beginning would be the most logical place. And where ever I start is the beginning. My ideas are all over the road. So am I. What is up?
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