I suppose everyone has a time of the year where things tend to bother them more, or they are more introspective. According to the commercial calendars of western culture, this time is supposed to coincide with the New Year. Personally, I don’t find this to be the case, and I’m sure if people stopped to think about the patterns that naturally emerge in their lives, most would find that while symbolically, the New Year makes sense, it’s probably some other trigger that we find ourselves thinking about what we’ve accomplished, our regrets, our dreams and what we promise to ourselves to change.
For me, that time of the year is July, specifically, it’s the brief two weeks that I take as vacation. The two weeks that I circled from the time I put up the new calendar in January. It’s the two weeks that I day dream about while toiling away at work. It’s the two weeks that, when they finally do arrive, slip away in between sunsets and sandy beaches until I wake up to head back to work.
And that’s when it hits me – This is what I’ve been working for all year? How is it gone before I know it? And I’m left with the remainder of the summer knowing that I won’t be having time off to enjoy much of it. Maybe this quasi-depressed outlook is amplified by our location in a Canadian climate, where the precious 16 weeks of fair weather is sandwiched by months of cold. Ok, that’s a bit overly dramatic but I do wonder if it plays a role in my outlook.
Regardless of the cause, it leads down the same path each time – introspection and taking stock of what I’ve done or am still struggling with 12 months later. I think it’s because I can truly identify where I was and what I was doing the previous year at the same time that I can see my life almost as a display against that background.
Here's hoping that next year, when I look back, I'll be able to see the progress I've made. Maybe a few more of those half-finished projects around the house will see completion. Maybe one of my websites will be up and running. Maybe I'll be doing more of what I love and able to earn a few extra buck from writing. Who knows?
What I do know is for the time-being, as summer fades, I'm moving ahead to keep working at doing more of what I love - writing. I'm also making a resolution to be more positive and enjoy the things I do accomplish, no matter how small, instead of only looking ahead and being deflated by what I still have left to do. Fingers crossed!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
What happened to everything in moderation?
I found this article last week. This woman, Kjerstin Gruys, is making headlines doing the unthinkable: giving up looking in mirrors for a whole year. And my first thought was, "What is she trying to prove?".
I am tired of people taking things so far. The one thing Ms. Gruys has working for her is that she is a PhD student, thereby buying her 'research' a shred of credibility under the guise of academia, however, it does not erase, or in my mind, forgive how completely ridiculous and pointless this exercise is.
She is going to an extreme to prove what? That the image we see of ourselves affects us? No kidding! Imagine that! However, I would argue that self-image has more to do with internal perception and less to do with the superficial reflection in the mirror.
If I were to entertain Ms. Gruys' hypothesis even for a moment, I can still blow holes through her methodology: she is still wearing make-up which she refers to on her blog as a 'security blanket' and says she is proud of how proficient she has become at applying it without a mirror. Uh, what? Isn't wearing make-up just as indulgent and narcissistic as looking in a mirror? In fact, I might say it's even moreso; at least the act of looking in a mirror once in a while can be considered selfless when it prevents others from having to endure unfortunate and awkward conversations with me while remnants of the spinach salad from lunch wave from my teeth, or a bat-in-the-cave booger dangles like a daredevil at the edge of my nostril.
I think people sometimes miss the point in their fervor to forge ahead and create a new path, going too far by focusing on one thing, when it should be on something else. Sure, our society as a whole does place a lot of importance on outward appearances, but blaming a mirror is like shooting the messenger.
I am tired of people taking things so far. The one thing Ms. Gruys has working for her is that she is a PhD student, thereby buying her 'research' a shred of credibility under the guise of academia, however, it does not erase, or in my mind, forgive how completely ridiculous and pointless this exercise is.
She is going to an extreme to prove what? That the image we see of ourselves affects us? No kidding! Imagine that! However, I would argue that self-image has more to do with internal perception and less to do with the superficial reflection in the mirror.
If I were to entertain Ms. Gruys' hypothesis even for a moment, I can still blow holes through her methodology: she is still wearing make-up which she refers to on her blog as a 'security blanket' and says she is proud of how proficient she has become at applying it without a mirror. Uh, what? Isn't wearing make-up just as indulgent and narcissistic as looking in a mirror? In fact, I might say it's even moreso; at least the act of looking in a mirror once in a while can be considered selfless when it prevents others from having to endure unfortunate and awkward conversations with me while remnants of the spinach salad from lunch wave from my teeth, or a bat-in-the-cave booger dangles like a daredevil at the edge of my nostril.
I think people sometimes miss the point in their fervor to forge ahead and create a new path, going too far by focusing on one thing, when it should be on something else. Sure, our society as a whole does place a lot of importance on outward appearances, but blaming a mirror is like shooting the messenger.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Why I've had it with (some) mommy bloggers
I know a lot of women who are moms. Some are followers of mommy bloggers, some don’t follow any blogs and some of the moms I know should be bloggers themselves. I am about to be very critical of mommy bloggers who fall into a very specific category – the ones that irritate me. They are those who Tweet or blog about their life as if it’s something new to everyone else. Yes, you are right. You have kids so you must be different from the rest of us with spawn. Here’s why I dislike what you have to say:
1. Inappropriateness of content – Check yourself before you wreck yourself
I seriously read a Tweet by someone who thought it necessary to share the moment that her son was taking an extra stinky poop in a public washroom stall. Really? What the hell on earth made you think that was worth sharing? Like no one has done this before, or been forced as a parent to deal with inopportune bathroom moments? Is it such an earth shattering part of your day that you need your followers to be informed? I think not. I’m still disgusted and dismayed by that one. What were you thinking??
2. There is more to life even if you are the old woman who lived in a shoe. If you have too many kids, it’s no one else’s burden, so lighten up or shut up. If you incessantly Tweet about being tired and complaining and have a houseful of kids by choice, I don't have much pity and tolerance for your plight. No kidding you’ll be tired and I get the whole misery loves company thing so if that is your game, so be it. Just don’t pretend to be happy and then Tweet nothing but complaints. Occasional self-mockery and frustrated Tweets about the ridiculousness of your offspring is ok because we can all relate, but please don't let that be the bulk of what you have to say!
3. You are making the rest of us look bad. And I don’t mean because of your supermom prowess with only educational outings and an overly nurturing approach to child-rearing (bordering on bubble wrapping the house). No, not because of how great of a mom you are but because of how it seems you've forgotten you are a woman too. Because you make it look like women become hideous frumps after popping out some kids and it’s ok. It’s not. And don’t justify it by saying it’s because your kids’ well-being is first and foremost. Saying that they are first implies that other things come second, third and so on. Your kids’ are likely all that you care about or have grown to be consumed by. And what about your marriage? As soon as caring about your appearance goes, it’s my belief (based on experience and observation) that the effort you put into your marriage is not far behind. That Tide commercial with the woman who says she always wears yoga pants because she is too lazy for real pants, while funny, is unfortunately not confined to TV land. Yes, Lululemon can be insanely flattering, but honey, not when they are faded and worn through (sure, it’s all that yoga and Pilates you’ve been doing) and adorned with dried food smears. Get with it and give a crap about how you look, if only half as much as you care about your next playgroup date and you might be surprised by the results. And if you argue that you don’t care for looking good or don't have the time. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you’ve given up caring and there is a big difference. The Globe and Mail published an article by a mom blogger in Edmonton who traded her career wardrobe for casual stuff when she decided to stay at home with her kids. Fair enough. Even though the focus of her article was about consignment store shopping for kids clothes, the fact that she clearly lives in frumpy clothes and is ok with that was extremely apparent and appalling. Ok sure, no one is expecting you to rock Donna Karan suits at home or the grocery store, but staying at home is not a license to ‘forget’ to look at yourself before you leave the house (yes, I’m referring to her mentioning dried food in her hair when she went out - gross). That’s just basic grooming and having kids is no excuse not to practise it. What lessons do you think you are teaching your offspring if you don’t take the 10 seconds to review your food-to-teeth-ratio before stepping out? And you expect them to brush their teeth religiously? Really?
4. Being frantic and busy doesn’t make you a better parent. Likewise, showing the world just how frantic and busy you are (in a very obvious and attention-seeking way)doesn't make anyone else believe it either. There is a difference between looking busy and being effective. Everyone has shit to do. Stop acting like its 'so insane' all the time. Sure, having kids means you have to be effective with your time. You make concessions for them and accommodate their needs but what about your own needs? Putting other stuff like your appearance and your relationship with your husband/partner on the back burner is only going to get you burned. Running around frantic doesn't mean you are getting anything done. If you really want to get things done, get over yourself and deal with real life, really. Be genuine and put in an all-round effort where you are needed, not just where you think it will make you look good.
5. And lastly, stop complaining about how loud the school bus is during that mid-week field trip to the zoo that you are accompanying. Be happy you aren’t listening to coworkers complaining, printers and copy machines buzzing, or sitting in rush-hour traffic after watching another 8 hours of your life disappear. If you are in the fortunate position to be able to get a headache from excited kids during the middle of the day, during the week, and are too stupid to realize that many parents NEVER get that opportunity, I don’t want to hear your whining and lack of perspective.
Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. Don't get me wrong - there are days as parents that you do go through those scenarios. My complaint is when people lose their perspective completely and become too self-centered to realize the rest of the world is still going on around them. Kids are fabulous and wonderful and made of sugar and puppies and all that, but they are not and should not be your only focus as a parent. You want them to grow up to be well-rounded adults, don't you? So why not lead by example? Your family (and society) will be glad you did.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Want to ace your next interview? Here's how
Job interviews are not fun. My recent experience participating in an interview panel brought to light some obvious things that should be avoided during an interview. With the hopes of providing some simple and useful tips to get through what is such a stressful experience for most of us, here is the list of do’s and don’ts I gathered:
1. Don’t say ‘I hate interviews’. No one likes interviews and now is not the time to let everyone who has gathered here know that you too, share this common opinion.
2. Stay positive. Focus on answering questions by showing what you do know, how you can contribute and what your experiences have to offer. Don’t mention that you are worried you might not have enough experience. This leads to the next point…
3. Don’t apologize for what you don’t know. The last thing you need to do is put a magnifying glass to your weaknesses. Acknowledge them as such, but put a positive spin on it – you learn fast, you are resourceful, dedicated, etc. to expanding your skills, meeting new challenges, and so on. Don’t say sorry for what you perceive is a strike against you!
4. Don’t keep talking to try to fill the void. If you answer a question briefly, don’t keep talking because you think you should have more to say. This usually muddies up the answer you already gave and makes you look unsure of yourself. Verbal diarrhea should be avoided.
5. DO come prepared – Part 1: Bring a note pad, reference papers, and a pen (unless specified not to). Taking notes during the interview helps to keep your thoughts and answers on track. It shows you care and you are ready to do what it takes to do a good job. Don’t be shy to jot notes about the questions you are asked – they are often complex, multi-part questions.
6. DO come prepared – Part 2: Do some research into the company or organization or at the very least, visit their website. Not having done so will be obvious and will not win you any points. One of the panels I was on interviewed someone for a position that consisted of providing information to high school students about how to apply to university. This person didn’t research anything about this process and it was totally obvious. This is just insulting. If you are called for the interview, the expectation is that you have done research to find out what you are getting yourself into. You don’t have to be an expert, but show that you took the initiative to learn something.
7. DO come prepared – Part 3: Have case studies, scenarios and examples at the ready. You cannot prepare for an exam without reviewing more material than what you will be tested on. An interview should be approached the same. Prepare for those questions you can almost certainly count on being asked – you know: “Tell us about a particularly difficult situation where you had to deal with a [insert situation here]” or “Give us an example of your contribution on a project that shows why you would be a good fit for this job”. Those questions. If you’re like me, you have been stumped and put on the hot seat trying desperately to think of something right then and there. To ace this part of an interview, preparation is key. Start by looking at the statement of qualifications that are outlined for the job, and then comb through your experiences for situations you can match up to illustrate these qualities. Bring cue cards with your scenarios written out. In an interview, cue cards aren’t a cheat sheet. Being prepared is a good thing! And if you don’t get asked those questions point-blank, you can bet the exercise of preparing for them has put you farther ahead, allowing you to be better able to relay your experience and qualifications.
8. Don’t use not currently being in the job as an excuse for not answering a question. Yes, this really did happen. Even if you did your research on the position you applied to and are still stuck, don’t bring attention to it. Do the best you can with your knowledge and whatever you do, avoid saying you can’t answer because “it’s hard to answer since I’m not in the job”! We know that. We are trying to find out what you would do though.
9. Keep your personal thoughts, feelings, opinions and noises to yourself. We do not need an exasperated sigh or horsey-style neigh for each difficult question you need to ponder. AVOID – AVOID-AVOID!!!!
10. And last but not least, never EVER insult or indicate in any way, shape or form that you think anything but highly of your potential future employer, or clients you might be dealing with. Again, this really did happen. Someone I interviewed for the same job I mentioned earlier (where they would be doing customer service for students on a daily basis) actually said she thought students were liars and irresponsible at keeping track of essential information. What?! The panel was incredulous. You cannot hire someone who thinks their main clientele are liars!
So that’s my advice through observation so far. Simple enough! Good luck!
1. Don’t say ‘I hate interviews’. No one likes interviews and now is not the time to let everyone who has gathered here know that you too, share this common opinion.
2. Stay positive. Focus on answering questions by showing what you do know, how you can contribute and what your experiences have to offer. Don’t mention that you are worried you might not have enough experience. This leads to the next point…
3. Don’t apologize for what you don’t know. The last thing you need to do is put a magnifying glass to your weaknesses. Acknowledge them as such, but put a positive spin on it – you learn fast, you are resourceful, dedicated, etc. to expanding your skills, meeting new challenges, and so on. Don’t say sorry for what you perceive is a strike against you!
4. Don’t keep talking to try to fill the void. If you answer a question briefly, don’t keep talking because you think you should have more to say. This usually muddies up the answer you already gave and makes you look unsure of yourself. Verbal diarrhea should be avoided.
5. DO come prepared – Part 1: Bring a note pad, reference papers, and a pen (unless specified not to). Taking notes during the interview helps to keep your thoughts and answers on track. It shows you care and you are ready to do what it takes to do a good job. Don’t be shy to jot notes about the questions you are asked – they are often complex, multi-part questions.
6. DO come prepared – Part 2: Do some research into the company or organization or at the very least, visit their website. Not having done so will be obvious and will not win you any points. One of the panels I was on interviewed someone for a position that consisted of providing information to high school students about how to apply to university. This person didn’t research anything about this process and it was totally obvious. This is just insulting. If you are called for the interview, the expectation is that you have done research to find out what you are getting yourself into. You don’t have to be an expert, but show that you took the initiative to learn something.
7. DO come prepared – Part 3: Have case studies, scenarios and examples at the ready. You cannot prepare for an exam without reviewing more material than what you will be tested on. An interview should be approached the same. Prepare for those questions you can almost certainly count on being asked – you know: “Tell us about a particularly difficult situation where you had to deal with a [insert situation here]” or “Give us an example of your contribution on a project that shows why you would be a good fit for this job”. Those questions. If you’re like me, you have been stumped and put on the hot seat trying desperately to think of something right then and there. To ace this part of an interview, preparation is key. Start by looking at the statement of qualifications that are outlined for the job, and then comb through your experiences for situations you can match up to illustrate these qualities. Bring cue cards with your scenarios written out. In an interview, cue cards aren’t a cheat sheet. Being prepared is a good thing! And if you don’t get asked those questions point-blank, you can bet the exercise of preparing for them has put you farther ahead, allowing you to be better able to relay your experience and qualifications.
8. Don’t use not currently being in the job as an excuse for not answering a question. Yes, this really did happen. Even if you did your research on the position you applied to and are still stuck, don’t bring attention to it. Do the best you can with your knowledge and whatever you do, avoid saying you can’t answer because “it’s hard to answer since I’m not in the job”! We know that. We are trying to find out what you would do though.
9. Keep your personal thoughts, feelings, opinions and noises to yourself. We do not need an exasperated sigh or horsey-style neigh for each difficult question you need to ponder. AVOID – AVOID-AVOID!!!!
10. And last but not least, never EVER insult or indicate in any way, shape or form that you think anything but highly of your potential future employer, or clients you might be dealing with. Again, this really did happen. Someone I interviewed for the same job I mentioned earlier (where they would be doing customer service for students on a daily basis) actually said she thought students were liars and irresponsible at keeping track of essential information. What?! The panel was incredulous. You cannot hire someone who thinks their main clientele are liars!
So that’s my advice through observation so far. Simple enough! Good luck!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Letter and a rough night
Despite the mail strike, yesterday I received a letter that I guess I had been hoping wouldn't materialize. Like a an overdue bill, it's eventual arrival was inevitable. As the time ticked down to the end of the school year, the letter came just as I had half expected,and half hoped it wouldn't.
What was this dreaded piece of correspondence? It was my youngest daughter's junior kindergarten intake package. Even writing the words down now (the next day), I feel a pit in my stomach and tears beginning to well up. Though I was preparing for this, I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. She really is going to school. How did this happen? Three and a half years flew by and here I am, supposed to be ready to put her on the bus. I'm not.
So with the letter in hand, I walked over to the calendar in the pantry to make a note of her first day. And that's when I lost it. Luckily the typical hum of daily life in our house made it possible for me to slip out of the room unnoticed. I went to the powder room to have a moment to myself. Sitting on the toilet seat, I cried. A lot. And hard. When did my kids grow up? I'm pretty sure I was just pregnant with my youngest and caring for a 5-year-old who was just starting kindergarten herself.
After I felt more composed, I came out to see my oldest daughter and husband snuggled on the sofa together (my youngest was staying at my parents overnight - which wasn't working in my favour as I just wanted to hold her and hug her...but I digress). Before my eldest went off to bed, I told her how proud my husband and I are of her, and that we have a hard time figuring out where the time has gone, but we are so lucky to have two amazing girls. I had trouble speaking with the lump in my throat which only got my sensitive daughter going too (yes more tears). We hugged, and lingered in that moment (I wish I could remember to do that more)and most importantly, told each other how much we love each other, something that can get away from us as we move through the routines of daily life.
Maybe as the summer moves along, it will become easier for me to accept that both girls will be in school. I am already envisioning (read: dreading) standing among the other parents and completely losing it in a weeping heap of inconsolable emotion as I watch my daughter's little body takes those giant steps onto the bus, while I watch intently to make sure she finds a seat. "Hold it together" I'm telling myself, "keep it together long enough to wave". As the bus drives off, I can see my husband consoling me while I bury my face in his chest, hiding that horrible ugly crying face that no one outside your family and closest friends should ever have to see.
Having this little movie running through my mind three months before it actually happens is perhaps not helping. I'm hoping in some perverse way the torture is somehow therapeutic. Who knows? What I do know for certain is that I am going to remember to take the time to enjoy the coming months of summer frolicking with my two girls while they are still small. Deep breaths.....
What was this dreaded piece of correspondence? It was my youngest daughter's junior kindergarten intake package. Even writing the words down now (the next day), I feel a pit in my stomach and tears beginning to well up. Though I was preparing for this, I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. She really is going to school. How did this happen? Three and a half years flew by and here I am, supposed to be ready to put her on the bus. I'm not.
So with the letter in hand, I walked over to the calendar in the pantry to make a note of her first day. And that's when I lost it. Luckily the typical hum of daily life in our house made it possible for me to slip out of the room unnoticed. I went to the powder room to have a moment to myself. Sitting on the toilet seat, I cried. A lot. And hard. When did my kids grow up? I'm pretty sure I was just pregnant with my youngest and caring for a 5-year-old who was just starting kindergarten herself.
After I felt more composed, I came out to see my oldest daughter and husband snuggled on the sofa together (my youngest was staying at my parents overnight - which wasn't working in my favour as I just wanted to hold her and hug her...but I digress). Before my eldest went off to bed, I told her how proud my husband and I are of her, and that we have a hard time figuring out where the time has gone, but we are so lucky to have two amazing girls. I had trouble speaking with the lump in my throat which only got my sensitive daughter going too (yes more tears). We hugged, and lingered in that moment (I wish I could remember to do that more)and most importantly, told each other how much we love each other, something that can get away from us as we move through the routines of daily life.
Maybe as the summer moves along, it will become easier for me to accept that both girls will be in school. I am already envisioning (read: dreading) standing among the other parents and completely losing it in a weeping heap of inconsolable emotion as I watch my daughter's little body takes those giant steps onto the bus, while I watch intently to make sure she finds a seat. "Hold it together" I'm telling myself, "keep it together long enough to wave". As the bus drives off, I can see my husband consoling me while I bury my face in his chest, hiding that horrible ugly crying face that no one outside your family and closest friends should ever have to see.
Having this little movie running through my mind three months before it actually happens is perhaps not helping. I'm hoping in some perverse way the torture is somehow therapeutic. Who knows? What I do know for certain is that I am going to remember to take the time to enjoy the coming months of summer frolicking with my two girls while they are still small. Deep breaths.....
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