Life from the other side of 35

So I've had a week to get used to the idea that I'm 35. There. I said it. For some people, I'm sure your reaction is something along the lines of, "So what? It's just a number." Well a week ago, heck, even a year ago, I was dreading this horrible milestone. But it seems the lead up was worse that the actuality of being 35...at least that's what the last seven days have told me.

Here's why:

• I don't seem to care too much about being considered young. I'm happy, for the first time, to be my age because it means I'm just here, now. I'm not trying to look older to impress someone to get into a bar, and I'm not trying to be cool to satisfy my self-consciousness because I'm no longer able to identify with 20-year-olds.
• I have felt less compelled to make the effort to appear still passable for 25. If it happens, I'm sure not going to be insulted, however, I'm happy to look and more importantly, feel good for myself. Any self-improvements are purely self-motivated out of pride rather than pressure.
• I can have martinis and wine earlier in the day without appearing like a college drunk.
• I have been at life long enough to be taken seriously. At least by the people that matter, and most importantly, by me. I now take my goals and aspirations seriously, because they are an eventual reality, not just dreams.
• Life is too long or too short, depending how you want to look at it, to spend it doing something you don't like.
• The pressure is off...finally. It's a weird age; the world is no longer preoccupied with my generation. We aren't the Gen Y-ers or Millennials who are making their parents broke by living at home till they are 30 while spending 6 years in university only to graduate still not knowing what they want to do. We aren't really Generation X who are still working and building the double-income life with retirement on the horizon in 10 to 15 years. We aren't the baby boomers who are either still working to live or just learning to live without work. We are in between and I love it. Under the radar. Undetectable.
• I have to explain my behaviour far less often. Or maybe it's that I just don't care to explain my behaviour anymore. Either way, it works for me!
• My apathy works for me. I'm not being lazy, I've just decided some things like doing laundry during the weekdays or avoiding housework when it's nice out are justifiable because I've decided other things are more important, like my family and my sanity.
• I feel more comfortable with myself. I know how cheesy that reads but I'm being honest. The one thing in the past week I've noticed is that the dread of this approaching birthday milestone has been lifted, and what remains is a sort of zen-like calm and realization that things are ok, I'm ok. 
• I feel less fearful of making mistakes or worrying about how people view me. I'll make mistakes but I can learn from them, and it's not the end of the world. :-)

Now it's time to get out and enjoy the sun on this gorgeous long weekend, breakfast dishes be damned! Have a good one!

Do you have things you've learned as you got older? Please share in the comments below!

Mothers: Can we please call a truce??

This article is dedicated to the women and working moms I know who strive to make society better, one choice at a time. I've been so inspired lately by the many women I see starting their own businesses, whether they are raising kids or because they realize they want more out of their life and careers than working 9-5 for the next 30 years. For simply recognizing and admitting out loud that this rat race is not for them, this article is for you.

Can I just start by saying, "Enough already!!" A while ago I read this article on the Huffington Post about the ongoing 'mommy wars' - the supposed fight between stay-at-home moms and career moms in the (ridiculous) quest for ultimate mom supremacy. The article is titled "The Real Reason Working Moms Dislike Other Moms" and was spurred by the recent comments between the wives of U.S. politicians. One critiqued the other for 'never having worked a day in her life' while the other countered that raising 5 boys was work enough, thank you very much.

The article was written by a man, and I only mention this because he wrote a very good and balanced article on the topic - something that, in my opinion has been clearly missing from the conversation (I refuse to call it a debate). Clearly he is tired of observing one camp lobbing insults at the other, and wanted to diffuse the situation by discussing both sides of the so-called mommy war.

Now let's get something straight first off - the fact that I am referring to 'sides' doesn't mean that I agree or even acknowledge that there is a mommy-war. Maybe that is more prevalent in the U.S. or in circles that I don't socialize in, however, the only references I've heard to a mommy-war seem to be media driven, so I'm not entirely sure such a 'war' exists. But I digress...



The author, Rick Newman, discusses the undeniable tension that arises when the conversation turns to working versus staying at home with the kids. I'm not sure that I've personally ever witnessed this tension myself or seen a debate on the topic but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't envious of the moms I hear of that either work part-time, work from home or stay at home. And I don't think I'm alone. I've recently had many conversations with mothers and ALL of them result in the same conclusion: wanting to spend more time raising our children AND having a career. Unfortunately though, by the time we realize that this is what we want rather than returning to work full-time, most of us have already built a life on two incomes and can't find a way around it when the reality of going back to work slaps us in the face.


It is for that reason that I almost curse the feminists of the '60s. This may seem like a harsh statement but here's my reasoning. Those feminists who fought for women to be accepted working outside the home in a 'man's world' turned into the full-time working women of the 70s. The mold was then formed for other modern women to follow in their footsteps because 'times have changed' and so, they got jobs and raised the next generation of women and mothers to think this is the way life is and should be, afterall they fought for that standard of living. And so, the feminism of the '60s seemed to manifest itself in one of the most tangible ways possible - by women being accepted into a social structure that was built around the life of men as the bread winners - where that was their only role. (And this structure I'm referring to was already around for decades by this point. We're talking a structure that was established in a post-industrial revolution society where the work week was structured to limit people to ONLY work 5 or 6 days per week, 8 hours per day so that workers weren't taken advantage of - and it's been that way ever since).

The problem with this structure is two-fold: it was designed for a world that didn't exist any longer in the 1970s, let alone now; and it was designed around workers who for the most part, didn't have to raise children and run the house as well as work full-time. Now fast forward to our society where technology has made our productivity soar yet, we are still mostly confined to very rigid job structures that, in our lifetime, no longer reflect necessity.


After being raised to believe girls can accomplish anything and watch our mothers become educated and hold full-time jobs, most of the women I speak to enjoy striving to learn and have a career. The trouble is, society isn't structured to support a balance with the roles of mother and career woman. Instead, we are supposed to do more with less time, and the only time we discuss ever managing more efficiently is our after work time. I find this archaic and completely ridiculously out-dated. We can do so much more with our time, it's a shame that for the majority, the structure of the work week hasn't evolved with our productivity.

And feminists, like the author interviewed in this Globe and Mail article, who are shuddering at the thought of women voluntarily taking themselves out of the workforce: chill out. This isn't putting women's rights back 40 years either, as this book claims. If anything, it's about being progressive and demanding a change in the way society is structured. If that means removing yourself from the 'traditional' structure of work because you want to dedicate more of your time to raising your family, so be it. Look at the huge jump of women and 'mompreneurs' in the past decade who have started their own business. It's not a coincidence; it's a sign of the times, and a sign that a revolution has already begun.


Maybe the notion I am supporting in this article will be criticized for 'wanting it all', but I think that as a society, we have changed. It's not such an unrealistic expectation for the way we live to change from one generation to the next. It has happened almost every generation before us - why do we need to keep the status quo?

I am not afraid to say that I do want it all! It's not selfish or putting me ahead of the kids and family. It's about redefining the role of a women as both a mother and wife and working member of society. I know that I would not only be a happier person, but this would translate into a happier mom and wife and family life, and by extension, a more productive contributor to society.

Instead of struggling to keep up during the week, only to be exhausted at the end of the night, have barely enough time let alone energy to spend quality time with my husband, I would have the mundane taken care of while spending more time with the kids AND bringing in money because I know I can be productive given certain windows of the day that work best for my schedule. Come the weekend, as a family we could use those cherished two days to do more than playing laundry catch-up, going grocery shopping and running all over to lessons and recitals.


The bottom line is, whether you are a working mom or stay-at-home mom, we each want a bit of what each other has. How about we support each other by trying to find ways to push through change in the structure of employment as we know it, so that we work towards a common goal rather than taking sides and arguing about which choice is best? Tell ring yoyour employer duur next review that you have feedback on the structure of your job. Let our opinions on this be heard whenever there is an opportunity. Write letters like this to the editors of newspapers and magazines to show how hard it is to choose. And most of all, let's cheer each other on while we push through change, knowing that for the time being, neither decision to work or stay at home is without struggle or compromise, but we are all driven by the same desire: to continuing improving the quality of life for our families and society as we raise the next generation of people.


If you like this article, please share it with others you think will enjoy it! Copy and paste the link at the top of the page and send it. Thank you. :-)

Friday night fun post

I've been working on a few posts but have to still mull them over and work a bit more on them before posting. In the meantime, since it's time to let your hair down for the weekend, here are a few fun pics of the cakes I have attempted and sometimes have even completed with success. I'll post more cakes on my Pinterest pinboard so check them out there too!

Movie popcorn cupcakes

I created the popcorn buckets by printing off stripes on my computer and printing off a clip art retro "Pop Corn" label. The popcorn is mini marshmallows snipped once or twice on one end to look popped corn kernels. Yellow food colouring was added to water and painted on with a brush and left to dry.

Moshi Monster cupcakes

These were made recently for my daughter's 10th birthday. Her and her friends play Moshi Monsters online and collect these little guys, so I thought her girlfriends would like picking out their favourite characters to eat! We (my usual cake decorating and birthday party crew: my husband and my sister) hand modeled the Moshlings out of Duff Goldman's pre-made buttercream fondant - far and away the best premade fondant to work with (and eat too)!

It's DJ Lance, DJ Lance, DJ Lance Rock!

I did not bake this cake, but I did scrape off the tacky store icing and replace it with this Ode to DJ Lance Rock of Yo Gabba Gabba! - my daughter's favourite show (and one of my favourites too). Who can resist a grown man in an orange jumper with fun fur orange hat to match?

Sunday night musings

So another weekend has come and gone and here I am on Sunday night, trying to make the most of the final few of the forty-eight hours we are given to recuperate for another week. But instead of indulging my ego and drinking a bottle of red wine to avoid thinking of Monday morning, I'm drinking wine and using this time to be productive and nurture my goals and think about what I'm going to do this week to work towards my dreams (that is to be a published writer and contributor to whoever will have me!).

Seriously though, I'm tired of feeling defeated on Sunday night because somehow, over the weekend, my goals and dreams didn't materialize in time for the alarm on Monday morning. Maybe this change in attitude is partially due to a fantastic dinner I had with a dear friend whom I've known for now more than half of my life. We were catching up after not seeing each other since January (an issue deserving of its own post), talking about our lives and what we want to be doing and it became so obvious that despite our dreams and possessing the abilities to achieve those dreams, we hold ourselves back, self-sabotage and procrastinate, all while watching other people with less experience or skill succeed.

It got me thinking about something I think we overlook on a daily basis - how important it is to encourage each other to pursue our dreams. I will be the first to admit, that until recently if I saw someone, especially another woman, who was successful and appeared to have what I wanted, I was so jealous. That jealousy manifested itself into hostility often towards people I barely knew. It was as if I was looking at life like there was a finite amount of success to go around and each time I saw someone else who appeared to have it, it somehow lessened my chances of succeeding. It's embarrassing to admit and is petty and completely unproductive. What I should have focused on was drawing on their experience and learning about how they achieved their success. My sister gave me a proverbial kick in the pants this past week in that regard, pointing out how ridiculous it is not to learn from the people I have around me for fear of looking like I don't know what I'm doing. As she said, people are usually pretty happy to discuss their own success, so after this post is done, I'm going to take her advice and send an email to someone who has achieved what appears to be success I would like to replicate.

The bottom line: We need to believe in ourselves but we also need to know others believe in us too. Having girlfriends and family who follow up (read: stalk you) and make sure that you are actively working on your goals (read: not procrastinating) is essential to succeed. I recently had my husband, my sister and my cousin all asking me about my progress on finishing an article I had been working on for two months. They were interested in knowing how I was doing, but more importantly, knew that eventually, I would tire of hearing myself make excuses for why I hadn't finished. (I am happy to say, I've finally finished the article and sent it to the travel editor at the Globe and Mail last week. While it would be nice to be published, I'm just so happy and extremely proud of the finished article regardless of if it ends up in the paper or not).

So now I am returning the favour. I've promised my dear friend with whom I dined on Friday night, that I will haunt her via text message, checking in to see if she set aside time to work on her business plan for a business that is almost undoubtedly going to succeed. You know who you are and I'm coming to get you! As a very smart man once said to me, you owe it to yourself to do this.

Worst shopping 'helper' EVER!

I was poking around the mall over lunch hour today, thinking of places to go to find a dressy pair of dark jeans - something that I can get away with wearing to work without looking like I'm wearing jeans. I am, coincidentally as you will see, wearing my most hated and unflattering pants. I also realize when contemplating which stores to visit that I am steering clear of Banana Republic. Now that I thought about it, I had been doing this the last few times I had been to the mall and today it dawned on me why.

About a month ago, I was feeling particularly frumpy. On that particular day, I was rocking the same pair of frumpy pants that, to be fair, only looked that way because I had lost some weight. Definitely not a bad problem to have, however, frumpy is frumpy and you cannot feel your best knowing that you look like you borrowed your granny's slacks. On that day, I decided to go to Banana Republic and check out their lovely, pretty things. They have a knack for parting me with my money and felt that this visit would be no different.

Now, being petite, I should also say that there are few stores that have clothes that fit proportionately well for short people. BR is one of the few so I was happy to spot a few options as I walked in. What I was not happy to find was the sales associate. She was obviously trained to help customers by finding the correct fit for their body type, however, I am sure there are no customers who would have appreciated her approach to accomplishing this task. Keeping in mind that I was already feeling dumpy in my frumpy-frump pants, she asks me to open my coat to 'see my shape'. I've never been ask this request, at least not before 9 pm and definitely not in such a well-lit locale. Taken aback, I slowly and obediently opened my coat to reveal 'my shape'. I've never felt so exposed! It was awful. I was in there because I already felt crappy, the last thing I wanted was to have someone scrutinizing my appearance. Ugh. Just give me the damn pants, woman!

Little Miss Helpful selected not only the cut and fit she thought best, but also provided her best guess at my size - yet another blow. As I said, the reason I was in here was because my pants were too big (yay), yet she was not asking my size but rather, sizing me up (boo)!

Needless to say, I left without buying anything, and until today, didn't realize that I had been avoiding going back there, lest I be 'examined' again. Humourous in retrospect for sure, the experience reinforces my rule that one should dress up just a tad when heading out for new threads so you feel pretty good about yourself before undoubtedly sporting some hellish wardrobe selections. Or we should at leat be prepared tell such helpful sales people to beat it!